UN Secretary General Wants Trump ‘To Pay’ For Killing Kim Jong Un

Rumor buzzing around the United Nations building in New York City says that Secretary-General Antonio Guttierez wants to have Trump arrested so he can “pay” for the assassination of Kim Jong Un. Kim, who was last seen more than 20 hours ago in public, is presumed to have been the victim of a US sniper attack.

The Trump administration has made no statement other than pointing out that Rocket Man had many enemies and any one of them could have been responsible. Guttierez says there is overwhelming reason to believe that this is Trump’s work and that he cannot simply make decisions that affect the rest of the world without consulting anyone.

His mission has little support among Asian nations, who are all ecstatic to see the little man go. Even China, who has defended North Korea in the past, has said that confirmation of Kim’s death would be a “great relief to impacted areas.”

North Korea shut down at 9:10 PM Eastern last night, just before dawn local, when a single sniper bullet took a man standing in the doorway of Kim Jong Un’s bedroom terrace and turned him into a cloud of pink mist. He was dragged inside, the palace was closed, the power grid went down and the internet shut down to the entire country.

As of this morning, they still haven’t decided how to proceed, leaving the press in limbo. Nobody will report the story without confirmation because they don’t want to look like fakey news CNN if it was some body double. By the way the regime is reacting, this is the real deal.


About Flagg Eagleton 20 Articles
Flagg Eagleton is the son of an American potato farmer and a patriot. After spending 4 years in the Navy and 7 on welfare picking himself up by the bootstraps, Flagg finally got his HVAC certificate and is hard at work keeping the mobile homes of Tallahassee at a comfy 83 degrees.